Lemme just vent a moment..
You’ll have to excuse me if I’m not at my best..You see in the past two months I’ve lost three people to the grim reapers hand and while that was in progress I’ve watched him make prey of my uncle. The course of the past few months have been difficult, I will admit but not complain. I know I can take away from these events and passings and let them shape me some more. What I will complain about is when who I am is targeted and torn at. I guess it’s true what they say eh? They’ll test your limits but when you snap you suddenly become the bad guy. It must’ve only been a few nights ago that Sam gave me a huge talk on standing up for myself..Within that I looked around and saw that maybe, just maybe.. I needed to stand up for someone to stand up for myself. Sort of like the whole, “helping others can help yourself” thing,yea know? So much for that.. Naturally I want to apologize for who I am and what I’ve let life make of me.. Apologize for the bitter vemon it’s injected into my veins… But why do that? Why apologize to someone who could care less about my story? In all sarcasam, I’m sorry I’m a bitter angry person at times.. But when you’re 16 and you loose both your parents within months of eachother (one by their own hand)..When you have to support your younger sister by yourself and battle an addiction while you’re as far away from home as the country will allow you, it tends to take its toll on you.. I know though if it weren’t for all of this I wouldnt have ended up where I am with who I am and who I’ve got supporting me.. Granted mile stones in my life will lack the support only a parent can give. My sisters wedding will not only have tears of joy but of saddness as well..As I take my fathers place and give her away. I’m off topic, shit. Anyways..Bottom line is you don’t know my story but your words will hurt and will effet my life. I know now I need to grow up a lil and face the karma that made my life a mess. Maybe you are right.. Maybe I’m a terrible person who got what was coming to me in life.. A part of me is whispering I didnt cause or deserve what I got and Im a decent person but another part is screaming and drowning out that poor whisper, shouting that you’re right..Guess it’s time I got in touch with my inner woman and cleaned my shit up..